dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
as a side note pls kill me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
