I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
