Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
