This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
