Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
