google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
