i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
