the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
