Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
