don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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