i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
