my mouth tastes like poor choices
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
