It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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