Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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