yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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