you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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