textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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