I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
