then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
At least make sure they are 18
Why
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
