She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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