video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
