I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
