I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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