I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
