Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
