I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
