Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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