it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
