..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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