Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
