dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
