i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
