So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
