I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Bring me that man meat
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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