Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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