hotel room ftw
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
