i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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