Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she pinky promised me she was 18
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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