I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
