There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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