I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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