Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
