i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
