so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
