i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
