I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
