He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I need to calm my uterus...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
