I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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