his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
