I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
