Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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