I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
