I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
